Dear readers, I think I left you a couple of months ago as Henry and I were working out some kinks in our relationship.  As in any partnership, the courting period is essential to establish needs, expectations and rules. I am very happy to report that good communication between the two of us seems to have sent us down the path to a long and happy marriage, but the start was a bit rocky. I can assure you that we still have some issues that will come up at the dinner table, but overall we are understanding each other much better and have established a relationship that is based on courtesy, respect and fondness.

For those of you who missed chapter one of this tale, Henry is my new horse. He was given to me by a good friend of mine who seemed to sense that we’d make a good team. My error was that I climbed on board ready to ride the trails before I really checked in with Henry to find out if he thought this would be as much fun as I did. Somehow I am reminded of a first boyfriend who thought it would be great entertainment to take me to a carnival and put me on the twirling tea-cup ride. He failed to ask me if I suffered from motion sickness, and I was so anxious to look like a good sport that I didn’t mention this little tendency towards vertigo. The end result was me throwing up on his feet. Not surprisingly, there was no second date. Fortunately, horses are more forgiving than humans and Henry’s response to my thoughtless enthusiasm was to roll his eyes, gallop sideways and to walk several steps on his hind feet, but he was willing to go for a second round.

Henry and I both had to do some negotiating and learning. He had to learn not to exit the classroom when things got challenging, and I had to make very, very sure that the lessons that I presented were valid and timely to his physical and mental state. After our slightly unsteady start, I realized the importance of building confidence and trust, way before focusing on precision and quality of gait. I vowed to make every training decision that I made to be thoughtful and well planned. We attended a ‘trail obstacle ‘ clinic and I was thrilled that we were able to cope with a wide variety of challenges that started with some very simple and basic exercises such as having fifteen horses walking towards each other across a small arena in drill team fashion, first at a walk, and then at a trot. We progressed to negotiating tarps, both on the ground and held in the air, a waving wash line, and working on moving the front end or rear end of the horse as desired. I wasn’t sure how Henry would hold up to all the activity, and I was very prepared to step out early, if needed, but he was a star and stayed relaxed and compliant other than the moment when all the other horses left out the back door and he felt he needed to go with them. About 2 minutes of quiet ‘one rein stops’ and turns on the forehand refocused and settled him so he was able to join the group. How different is this than giving a five year old child that momentary “time out” until they settle down?

I was delighted to find that Henry came out after the clinic with a very relaxed ho-hum attitude. I had the feeling that we had a breakthrough or one of those “Ah-Ha” moments. Better yet, a few days later, I chose to go on a different ride with a different riding companion. We wound our way down a narrow trail and came out in a gravel pit that had many roads that were made by motorcycles and 4 wheelers.  One of the sand piles that we needed to traverse required me to dismount and lead down as the footing was very deep and questionable. Henry and I had a brief discussion at the top of the dune where I requested that he let me go down first, and he would carefully follow me without using me for a brake if the terrain became too challenging. He was amazing, keeping his eye on me and practically sitting like a dog as he slid down the granular surface. I hugged him at the bottom, realizing that two months ago, that small encounter could have been treacherous for both of us.

Henry and I have ‘been involved’ with each other for about 5 months now. This is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. I feel like we are getting to know each other, and our conversations go so much more smoothly than they did a few months ago. We are trusting each other much more, and with that trust comes the confidence to tackle more challenges. When I was training horses for other people, I found it amusing that an owner would wail “but he has been in training for three MONTHS!!! When can he go to a horse show???” This comment was preceded by them telling me with great pride that their son or daughter was just starting their third year of graduate school and was beginning to think about what they would do after they graduated. I’ve never been able to fathom why we expect tremendous maturity, reliability, consistency and performance from a five year old horse, but are quite defensive of the actions of our teenage child when they get arrested for drag-racing…

Thirty years ago, when I was deep in the heart of horse showing and competition, I remember feeling the pride of winning a ribbon. Today, I felt much more delight in feeling the incredible connection that Henry offered me through the rein in my hand as he towered over me at the top of that pile of dirt. Two months ago, he wouldn’t have trusted me enough to follow me down that slide. Today, he was my partner, holding up his end of the deal.

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